Pretty great. I have money and free time.
Shout out to !childfree@lemmy.world
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.
Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It’s why I’m not on Reddit anymore.
This one is relatively as well.
Your link doesn’t link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that’s a bit annoying. Maybe that’s why?
I believe the way that link style works is that it does that only if your instance does not have it locally. Here on the fediverse we need one person to subscribe before it will show up on your local instance correctly
It doesn’t appear that that’s the case, because people on my instance have subscribed to the comm in question and the link still didn’t work. When I formatted the link correctly, it worked. Unless there’s an interoperability bug between Lemmy and Mbin, which is certainly possible.
Ah I’d guess that, I’m pretty sure Lemmy devs made that !community@instance.tld syntax
It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.
Downvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.
I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I’m sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.
Are my down votes spam?
Yes in my opinion which is why they’re turned off on the instance I use.
It’s awesome. Sure, I have moments in life that suck regardless, but in those moments I always think to myself “Wow, this would be even worse if I had kids.”
In my mid 30’s. Find myself thinking the same. Also when I’m feeling great it’s “there’s no way i could be enjoying this if i had to worry about kids”
Yup, exactly. It just seems like there’s no time to relax when you have kids, you always have to be “on”.
I used to take a bus home from work, and a woman that lived in my apartment took the same bus, so we always ended up walking into the building together. I’ll never forget that EVERY time when she opened her apartment door, you could hear two little kids yell “MOMMY!” the second that door was opened. Maybe some people love that, but to me it always filled me with a sense of dread and exhaustion. Here was this woman who just spent a full day at work and now she has to come home and essentially start her second job of being with her kids, who of course want all her attention. I felt horrible for her, and it wasn’t like she was skipping home all happy to see them, either.
Some people like it, which I’m happy for, they’re the ones who should have children. But it’s not for everyone and it shouldn’t be stigmatized. I will happily pay taxes to fund kinder care and school. I see the value in society for kids. Just not in my own home.
[I’m] in my mid-30s*
Shit that’s how you grammar!?
Syntax, not grammar
Ok. I’m still going to omit it in the future.
Omitting is fine… just a bit ambiguous. It’s the apostrophe misuse that matters :)
Just turned 50. Was childless by choice. But I Got custody of my 12 year old niece two years ago. (Very small family and There was no one else to take her.). I love her but I do miss my adult freedom.
My condolences on losing your sibling. Wonderful of you to take her in.
I wanted kids when I was younger, but wasn’t ready to give up my freedom. Once I was ready for kids the world (and the future in particular) looks so bleak that it doesn’t seem fair to the theoretical kiddo to say ‘hey, here’s a dumpster fire - good luck’. Instead I babysit for my friends and family, spoil the kids around me, and sleep in on the weekend. I also have more time for activism and trying to ensure a brighter future for kiddos.
No regrets.
This is amazing!
It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.
Elementary school
Middle school
High school
College
Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job
All the stuff during the summer
Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds
Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.
I sort of see the appeal of having kids, but I can barely keep things together for myself. There’s no way I can support myself and kids. Even with my boyfriends income and mine, it’s just not realistic.
This is the key behind the fertility crisis of first world countries. SHITS TOO EXPENSIVE. A house is 10 years worth of income, college like 3 years worth, a car (which needs to be replaced every 5-10 years) around a years worth, plus food, bills, taxes and all of this other shit makes it impossible.
Yearly childcare is a years worth of income in plenty of places, so there’s that too.
They told me I’d change my mind about not wanting kids when I got older. I’m still waiting for it to change.
As someone who didn’t want kids and then had them later in life, your mind doesn’t really change until after you have them. That’s when I was like Oh
At least that’s what it was like for me. Plenty of people’s minds never change even after kids sadly.
Seems unwise to take that risk. What if I don’t change my mind?
Absolutely. Definitely not recommending chancing something like that haha. Just saying you might never change your mind and that’s ok. But also if a kid came into your life somehow, don’t panic! It might be ok
Honestly it kind of sucks.
I always wanted a kid but it requires a partner who is able to be a parent and I have never had such a partner.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood and I wanted someone who could be a good mother to a child and everyone I’ve dated who had the ability to be a good mother was not capable of giving birth for one reason or another and everyone I’ve dated who’s capable of giving birth was not capable of being a good mother for one reason or another.
I know it’s not too late for me but it’s getting pretty damn close.
Adoption could be an alternative maybe
Where I live you pretty much cannot adopt if you’re past 40, except when someone put their kid in their last will for you.
No ragrets.
no rugrats
Seriously like the most obvious fucking life hack.
Also, it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it. Like I could take all of the collective time people have spent trying to give me unsolicited input on some other random topic, and it wouldn’t even add up to a tenth of the time I’ve spent on the “why don’t you want kids?” Conversation. I’m sorry but that’s sus as fuck. Like some actual brain slug shit.
it’s generally super weird how everyone tries really hard to convince you that you are wrong about it
My theory is that (volontary) childless people are less predictable to others. If you only have to take care of yourself, you need less resources (read: money) for that. An employer that knows his employee has children to care for can be treated worse in terms of working conditions and salary/ wages, because the employer knows that this employee can’t afford to quit the job, because of the responsibility for the child(ren).
If an emloyee is known to have no children, it makes him unpredictable. He could get up after a good yelling at the workplace, say “fuck it” and leave. He only has to take care for himself. Also, that employee can accumulate more money since it has not to be spent on the needs of children. That means, the employee has a bigger and longer lasting financial cushion.
Something similar applies when credits/ loans have to be paid. Having debt is a considered a “good” thing, since people are less prone to quit their jobs. On a personal level, the goal should be to become debt free as soon as possible. Not only it will result in financial freedom, it will also enhance your “fuck-it-ablilty”.
Another theory for those convincing people is that they envy your lifestyle of tranquility and spontaneousness. These people have been bullied into having children by their peer groups, because “that is the thing to do”, and “you owe grandchildren”. There are so many parents out there who would be better off if they never had children, but their relatives had convinced them otherwise.
Another theory is that people with children want you to have some, too, because they have no other topics available for discussion.
As a parent who doesn’t try to convince childless people to have children… fair point.
For some people, having children is their only life accomplishment, so they perceive other people’s choices as an “attack” on their sense of identity, which makes it feel personal, to them.
I agree but not on the debt free part. Mortgage loan at 1,45%, savings rate at 2,4 %: I’ll not try to get out of that debt sooner than planned, thank you very much :')
I have a kid. I love my kid. There’s also a looooooooot more sacrifice involved than I was expecting.
Not so much the money, but time and effort. Today I wanted to leave the park and go the grocery store for ONE thing before dinner. Cue negotiations to leave the park. 10mons to walk 100 yards. Issues around refusing to use the toilet before we go (young kid and car rides). Not wanting to get out of the car at the store. I could go on. Everything is just a whole fucking ordeal. Pre kid I would have got in my car, gotten the item and come home. 15mins tops. This took 1.5hrs.
I love my kid. I’m glad we had a kid. But I do not see everyone being suited to being a parent. And no one should be forced or pressured to be one.
That’s my personal opinion though.
As a parent, I couldn’t give two shits if you don’t have kids. Not gonna convince you. It’s your story not mine.
You’re also not going to convince me I made a poor decision.
Exactly, like if someone doesn’t want kids I wouldn’t want to be their child, let them not have them
Happy I didn’t fuck up my life and the lives of my progeny by birthing them.
Pardon my French but it feels fucking awesome. I’ve been able to travel the world. I have developed hobbies that I wouldn’t be able to do so with kids. I have saved a lot of money and I have been able to advance my career.
As for passing my knowledge/experience, I volunteer at various charities where I can influence young minds. I don’t believe that passing on genes down the line is the best I can do. The best I can do is to help young people achieve their goals.
Now, to address few some clichés. On my deathbed I will get the glass of water from a highly paid nurse. The “warm bed” is not the issue for me. When I go I will leave my possessions to a charity of my choice.
It feels amazing.
I wake up to a quiet, clean house every day.
