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slapping your face into the middle of the pie and sucking like a dyson
Folding the slice in half.
You’ve got two fucking hands - give that fucker some structural support.
Chopsticks
Gonna need somewhat of a custom pizza shape for this to work without arousing suspicion. Put the pizza between the toilet rim and the seat. If it sags a bit that’s fine, the seat should hold it in place. Print out a picture of the inside of the toilet bowl and place it on top of the pizza. Close the lid.
After a few days, invite the crew over for beers. Rig the bathroom light so that it’s very dim. “Sorry, been having issues with it, not sure what the problem is.” Eventually someone is going to notice the ruse. When they do, “Oh shit, my pizza! I was wondering where that went.” Bring it back into the kitchen and offer everyone a slice. They will refuse. “More for me then!” Eat the whole thing.
Instant legend.
Eat it in reverse so it is expelled from the mouth after the journey though the body
rolling it up starting from the crust like it was a croissant and then taking a bite, not from the end, but from the side
OR
not cut into slices, you tear out the center and slip your head through so it sits around your collar, then lift it to take bites periodically like a candy necklace
take a bit from the outer perimeter, rotate the zza slightly, then take another bite. repeat until you’ve spiral-noshed the whole thing
Burnt to a charcoal crisp.
Eat the crust, leave the rest.
Uncut, center out from the bottom.
Or
Roll into a cone, bite out the center from the bottom, suck the toppings and sauce through the bottom like a waffle cone, discard the crust.
Dammit. Now I gotta do this to fuck with my kid
It’s good to build distrust and topics of discussion for therapy as early as possible.
Nah, roll it into a cone with the topings on the outside and try to suck the crust though the topings.
Please do that in the line to vote, so people feel more confident in how competent the electorate is.
Inject it straight into a vein
This awful video I saw where someone put pizza in a blender and turned it into a casserole
What about that but as a sausage?
I refuse to believe that was anything other than rage bait, like every Chef Club video.
Sure, probably. Still qualifies though, right?
Oh for sure, I just refuse to believe I’m living in a world where people put pizza in a blender for anything other than rage bait or dealing with a wired jaw and a pizza craving, haha.
Turned into a slurry and then administered as an enema.
Pizza Slurry Enema
nice band name
Upside down
